thrillist

Dudes have always wrestled with what it means to be a man: should you be the bad guy in black? The good guy in white? Add another "n" to your name and create a TV show about a guy in a white blazer who fights bad guys with a partner who's black? Out of Miami, here's a book about manhood steeped in Vice: I Have a D*ck. Now What?

Put together right here by a copywriter who's since moved on to less semi-tropical environs (and got married!), this "manual for matters of manhood" dryly lays out guidelines for dealing with having a bonus appendage via well-mannered prose and an illustrated hero who looks like the dark shadow of the Monopoly Man. In its paperback or e-book pages, you'll find chapters from "The Art of Eyeing, or How to Ogle Unobserved" to "Vertical Rhythmic Gyrations for the Attraction and Pleasure of a Potential Mate", including how to slow-dance the "Gentleman's Grind" -- similar to Eric Nies, except you must say "please" and "thank you" before taking your shirt off. As for dealing with other dudes, there are treatises on subjects like "Appropriate Observational Focus Amidst Public Urination" and "Coordinating Consensual Contact Amongst Platonic Gentlemen", though as everyone knows, 68% of high-fives are given non-consensually.

Hit I Have a D's website to find sample chapters, plus opportunities to order t-shirts bearing instructional diagrams, as well as signed paperbacks -- though careful, because having a copy that valuable means you can no longer read it in the bath-Tubbs.

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It'll soon be available on the manliest form of media, the Kindle! And if you can't read, the t-shirts are sweet, so check out the website now.