User-submitted Internet reviews are a great way to find out the truth about a product, compare the relative values of similar stuff, and feel really good about yourself for not caring enough about Free Willy 4: Escape From Pirate's Cove to let everyone know that Beau Bridges just didn't connect with the whale like Mario Van Peebles could've. Hey, it's just true! But amidst that horrifying stupidity lies even horrifying-er stupidity that’s actually hilarious, most of it the work of the e-pranksters chronicled by UHpinions, run by the fine gents responsible for Lamebook and SrslySorry. Some of the best:
Horse-Head Mask Review on Amazon: "They called me crazy, but who's the giant horse now?! This mask imbues the wearer with super-human abilities. The power to make everyone around you feel awkward and uncomfortable first among them. After wearing the mask for several days my identity was consumed and replaced. There is only the horse now. Best purchase I ever made."
Camo Slanket Review on Skymall: "Holy hot guacamole! I love the Slanket! Unlike most humans, I like to hibernate through the months of January and February. I spend the entire 15 days before the new year on my couch bundled up in my Slanket, gorging myself on as much Totino's Pizza Rolls and Mountain Dew Code Red as my body can muster. After two weeks ... I come crashing down into a diabetic coma deeper than the Mariana Trench. I also cut a third hole on the crotch for easy access to my penis. You know, so I can j**k off."
CiCi's Pizza Review on Yelp: "It's CiCi's pizza. It's like my ex-wife. Cheap as hell, tastes like shit, but at least they let you play video games."
Published: August 22, 2011 at 4:00am EDT
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