Clubber Lang from Rocky III
On Your Face: Think of your hair/ beard as a whole that you're splitting into two, the first part being a 3in wide, 1.5in tall mohawk striping from forehead to neckline, the second, a tightly cut beard that's shaped low on the cheeks, then cuts a sharp right angle back over your ears. To ensure a clean line, wet your hair and comb a level part, then cut everything above it as low as possible with scissors before Bic'ing.
The Rest: Wear knee-high white socks with two light blue stripes and light blue shorts with trim, which is also what all the ladies will be throwing your way when they see how awesomely all-out you've gone with your beard costume.
Blue from Old School
On Your Face: Capture his old-man scorn for combs and razors (and bathing....in anything but K-Y Jelly) by letting your beard go for as long as possible: forgo neck trims, and don't even think about touching your 'stache. Come party time, you'll want that thing to shoot out as wide as possible, so grab some mustache wax, and, with your index finger on top, roll it "forward" to achieve solid lift. Also, buy some white dye, or alternately, be really old.
The Rest: Wear one-piece long underwear and wrestling head gear. When you show up to the door of your party, instruct someone in the crowd to "Just ring the f&%king bell, you pansy", then acknowledge riotous laughs with "Thank you, sir!".
Dr. Richard Kimble from The Fugitive
On Your Face: This epic two-stager starts with you growing your beard as bushy as possible, and wearing it to the party in an orange prison jumpsuit. Let the costume soak in for a bit, then sneak into a bathroom, scissor things as close as possible before shaving it all off, and emerge in street clothes.
The Rest: The reveal is your big moment, so own it by yelling "I didn't kill my wife!". Ironically, you'll then wish you did, because once again, the trim!
Published: September 29, 2011 at 4:00am EDT
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