Movies I Don't Remember The best terrible film reviews you'll read all day

While some movies leave an indelible mark on your memory, other are pretty easy to forget, especially if you're the guy from Memento, who didn't even recognize Sammy Jankis as Ned Ryerson! Needlenose Ned, Ned the Head!! For hard-hitting reviews from a gent who probably doesn't remember that either, check out Movies I Don't Remember.

Presenting truncated breakdowns of flicks its creator's seen only once and he swears he hasn't researched since, Movies is the oft-wry baby of a guy inspired by a cable synopsis of Jurassic Park III that got every single detail wrong, although how they could forget that T-Rex piss solves all your problems is anyone's guess. Some screen gems:

Kindergarten Cop: Arnold is a cop who has gone undercover because some kid's stepdad is in the mob. (Either that or the kid's real dad is a witness on the run from the mob.) Implausibly, Arnold poses as a kindergarten teacher-and hard though he may be on the beat, he just is not cut out for dealing with adorable children! (Then he is.) I believe he gets shot in a shower but is OK.

F/X: The Conversation, but with special-effects technology instead of microphones. I believe a van is somehow important, although that may be F/X 2.

Turner & Hooch: Police officer Tom Hanks gets teamed up with a drooling bulldog! At first he doesn't care for having to work with an animal, but then they grow to love each other! Eventually the dog gets killed and everyone in the audience cries! (To be honest, I'm not sure how much of this is coming from my memory and how much of it is just educated guesswork.)

Each review is mated to a captioned, generally hilarious still from the movie, which dude claims he didn't get until after writing up the synopses, although who can really trust him, as he's just like, some Guy.