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BatchSlap: one burly man bear-hugs ABC's romantic reality franchise

Calling something a "guilty pleasure" is gutless -- unless the pleasure is sex and you're either Jewish or Catholic or Protestant, you have nothing to feel guilty about, and should just own whatever it is you're into. If you're ready to own your love of reality television, read BatchSlap. Promising "inimitable Bachelor/Ette/Pad recaps, because Chris Harrison is a stone cold pimp", it's worth your apparently not-that-precious time because:

It started out as a series of off-season entries on a blog about short white college basketball players, so it packs that masculine edge only the most deep-cutting sports nerds can provide.

The guy who runs it refuses to drink the night before the shows air, to ensure his energy and concentration levels are high enough for the freakishly intense, TiVo-enabled scrutiny he gives each episode.


The entries have titles like Bachelor Pad Week 7: Jaclyn Enjoys Public Humpings While the Dudes From Night Ranger Be Mad Old. And each of them contains serious insight, like the fact that this guy drinks a lot.

The analysis runs deeper than Phil Collins when he's in too deep: "Jef and Emily apparently finally realized that a common love of vintage handbags is not the most solid cornerstone on which to build a healthy heterosexual relationship... The only successful Bachelor-related relationships going these days are JP & Ashley, which I really don’t care about at all, and Chris Harrison & Justin Bieber’s mom, which I care very, very deeply about."

Oh and finally, the blog goes beyond the beautiful idiocy of Monday night, and into the beautiful idiocy that is pretty much everything the shows' contestants do publicly.

Like the man affectionately semi-known as "Mikey Stags", you should stay strong too. Don't say you're guilty when you're not, and get ready to get Slapped.

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