Here's every single person you see waiting in line

the worst people in line
All photos by Matthew Albanese
All photos by Matthew Albanese

You know when you're standing in line, waiting for a coffee/bagel, or to buy some ice cream, or to get into that brunch place that your friends have overhyped and you are going to end up hating based almost exclusively on the fact that you're standing in line? Well, here's every single person you will see in those lines:

The person who asks for a sample when the line is long as hell -- and then asks for ANOTHER SAMPLE. 

The person who is about to order for his entire office, thus prolonging the entire wait by 20mins.

the person on an intimate phone call

The person who is on his phone the entire time having a weirdly intimate conversation.

The person who is on his phone having an incredibly interesting conversation, which actually distracts everyone around him from moving up in line because they’re all trying to figure out if his doctor-brother truly was framed for the murder of his wife by a one-armed man who works for pharmaceutical company Devlin-MacGregor.

The person who is so enthralled with her phone that she refuses to move up when the rest of the line moves, thus killing that even somewhat illusory feeling that the line is moving, and you are making progress, and you don't hate your day.

The person who calls to see what his girlfriend wants right as he gets to the front of the line, then says, “Wait, they’re out of chai. Do you want (starts reading off tea names slowly)?”

The person who is looking at everyone around him and silently trying to evaluate who he could beat up if sh*t went down.

The person who is looking at everyone around him and trying to figure out who he would sleep with, if sh*t went down in a very different way.

The person who gets to the front of the line, but realizes she needs to get something else only after the cashier already started ringing her up.

The person who refuses to make space for someone who is not in line but is just trying to get to a different part of the store, even though there’s no way his spot in line would be threatened if he just moved 2ft in either direction to let her through.

The person who acts like she's having an emotional reunion when any person she kind of knows walks up to her, and she then allows each person to cut in with her, thus screwing over the people behind, who, at this point, basically know the girl in line just as well as the guy who just walked up.

cut in line

The person who cuts.

The person who cuts, and then refuses to look at you, because he feels secretly guilty/is Catholic.

The person who cuts but gives you an apologetic smile, as if that should somehow cover it.

The kind-of-famous person, who feels like maybe people should let her cut in line, because being kind-of-famous usually affords you those sort of perks.

The really famous person, who is wearing a baseball cap pulled low and sunglasses, while praying he just gets to the front to order his coffee before everyone realizes that MICHAEL FASSBENDER IS STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM.

the person who tries to talk in line

The person who wants to start a conversation with you in line, even though you keep only responding by kind of flattening your mouth in a half-smile and breathing out of your nose while staring at your phone, which is off.

The person who decides to strike up an open-ended conversation with the cashier, thereby delaying service to the rest of the line.

The person who walks right up to an “open” register when there’s clearly a “next up” line feeding all the registers.

The person who doesn’t walk up to an open register when they’re yelling “next in line” and he’s next in line.

The person who is just waiting in line, patiently, not bothering or judging anyone because they have a normal fulfilling life and don’t feel the need to spend their time looking at everyone else and silently judging them.

Kevin Alexander is Thrillist's food/drink executive editor, and was once mistaken for Jeff Daniels, by someone he now hates. Follow closely behind him as he orders "something with ginger beer in it" at @KAlexander03.