The 99 problems with Paris

Who would dare to criticize Paris? Well, probably the people who live there. Because if you stay here long enough, your problem-counter will hit 99 disturbingly fast, too...

1. The pigeons
2. Dudes peeing in public at any time of the day
3. Smells like urine (see public urination above)
4. Overpriced cocktails
5. The obsession with mojitos (also overpriced)
6. Good pastries? Bad coffee.
7. A brunch that consists of a croissant, eggs, and smoked salmon for 27€
8. Public transportation strikes
9. Your friends who are visiting force you go to the Eiffel Tower with them.
10. The burger obsession

11. Restaurants that buy frozen food, reheat it in a microwave, serve it to you, and charge a scandalous amount of money
12. Having to take the Métro
13. The size of apartments
14. The price of those apartments
15. Dog s**t
16. Tourists think Paris is what it looks like on postcards
17. Having to bike across the Champs-Élysées in rush hour traffic
18. The Périphérique
19. Electronic cigarettes
20. The way people on scooters drive
21. Parisian “bike lanes”
22. Drunk college student at Irish pubs
23. Getting sold Eiffel Tower keychains
24. Line 13
25. The construction around Les Halles
26. Pollution
27. Pickpockets
28. The price of Perrier
29. That time in August when you need to get something done and you realize EVERYTHING is closed
30. When you forget to think about which train station you’re coming in to/leaving from, and you end up at the wrong one
31. Our level of complaining... about everything (yes, we're aware of the irony. It feels good.)

32. Love locks
33. SNCF strikes
34. Eat a Parisian petit-déjeuner and you’re hungry by 10:30am
35. Trying to make restaurant reservations
36. People assuming you don’t speak French and responding to you in English
37. Living on the 7th floor and not having an elevator
38. When you have to type on a French keyboard
39. The line at the post office
40. That moment when you order a cheese platter and you realize it’s all from the supermarket
41. Getting the bill when you sat at the first row of tables on the bistro terrace
42. Everyone looks angry, all the time, including you
43. Lack of bike parking
44. Restaurants that specialize in bagels AND sushi
45. Your family doesn’t own a house in Brittany
46. Almost being hit by a bus on a pedestrian crossing even though you have a green light
47. ... or being hit by a scooter
48. ... or a taxi
49. Bike lanes used as car parking
50. Not being able to sit on the grass in a park

51. Sprinting for the Metro... and having the doors ruthlessly close in your face anyway
52. Realizing you can’t get a train ticket at the automated machine because you don’t have a European credit card
53. Sundays... because you realized you forgot to go grocery shopping, again
54. Public toilets you have to pay for
55. McDonald’s
56. Burger King
57. Quick
58. Flying from Orly
59. The permanent line of American tourists at Starbucks
60. Not being able to keep up with the amount of new restaurant openings
61. Artisan hamburgers
62. Anything deemed “Très Brooklyn”
63. It’s easier to find Brooklyn Brewery on tap than a French craft beer
64. Attempting to run more than two errands in a day
65. Paperwork
66. Hearing more English than French in the Latin Quarter
67. Having your wine order scrutinized
68. Using sidewalks as parking lots
69.Michelin-starred restaurant prices
70. Michelin-starred restaurants that serve Nespresso
71. 12-2pm closures
72. When you’re too busy to not take a full lunch break and drink wine with your meal

73. Souvenir shops that sell berets
74. The people who buy those berets
75. Rats and mice scurrying in the Metro like they own the place
76. Driving around l’Arc de Triomphe
77. Confusing Charles de Gaulle - Etoile and Charles de Gaulle Airport
78. The monotonous Paris uniform, i.e. black clothes and a scarf
79. Using the street as a trash can
80. Being walked into at least once a day
81. Confusing business hours
82. Shopping baskets on wheels
83. The price of a cheap beer in an expensive neighborhood
84. Lack of personal space
85. When the canal is too full for you to find a picnic space
86. French pop music you overhear in stores
87. People who listen to music on their smartphones... without headphones
88. Weird opening hours of parks
89. Having to go to the Préfecture
90. ALWAYS being asked for exact change
91. Having to awkwardly explain your medical condition to the pharmacist
92. Missing a Chronopost delivery
93. There are too many cultural events going on at all times, you will inevitably never keep up
94. Not every croissant is amazing
95. Or the baguettes
96. And the best croissant and baguette may be a bit of a trek across town
97. Changing at Châtelet
98. You can only eat so many pastries
99. You’re leaving Paris tomorrow