Philly Beer Week 2012 A curated PBW guide so you know about the REALLY cool stuff

Like the Eagles… no, Flyers… no, Phillies… no, Sixers!, this year's Philly Beer Week (June 1st-10th) will be way more awesome than previous iterations, thanks to some choice roster updates. "But Thrillist", you say, "I don't get sports references!". True, which's why you should keep reading below for a breakdown of which new events to attend, based entirely in terms you can understand: awesomely cheesy TV shows from your childhood.

If you liked: American Gladiators
You'll like: Kite & Key's Gladiator
Since maybe Malibu will be there (!!), head to K&K's beer-garden-turned-coliseum for a togas-welcome event where reps from Dogfish Head, Allagash, Yards, etc. will go at it gladiator-style (sword fights, chariot races... wait, chariot races?!) while you tackle 21 brews, from an Allagash wild ale to Dogfish's Hellhound 2xIPA.

If you liked: Webster
You'll like: P.O.P.E.'s World's Smallest Toast
This Friday fete'll let you order up an eensie glass of their Ommegang collab (Gnomegang!) and be a part of an epically tiny cheers-ing, which'll come with free barware and gnome hats that you'll totally be down to adopt because, hello, you liked Webster.

If you liked: Very special episodes of Saved by the Bell
You'll like: South Philly Taproom's 420 Night
Because unlike Kelly, you totally gave into Johnny Dakota's peer pressure, hit SPTR for a hazy night of munchies (i.e. beef stroganoff fritters, roasted pork poutine w/ sharp provolone…) and Lagunitas taps of Imperial Red, IPA, Pils & the extra-hoppy Waldo's Special Ale, which, although super-limited, will be considerably easier to find than a sports reference you'll actually get.