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While recent sports video games have advanced to near-lifelike levels, Vince Vaughn, that loser Sue, and countless others will tell you that NHL '94 stands as one of the greatest ever. So, in honor of the Winter Classic (something that's not in NHL '94, don’t worry about it), Jose Pistola's staging a kick-ice free tournament on Jan 2nd with the help of flatscreens, a couple Genesises (Genesi?), and copies of NHL '94 they're prepared to blow into all afternoon. You must have so many questions! Luckily we know what they are, so here’re the answers:

Are there rules?
There sure are, as this isn’t 'Nam, or the Pam Anderson/Bruce Buffer film No Rules. You'll be playing a double-elimination tourney, with 10min periods, auto line changes, and offsides/penalties on.

Sweet. I call Western All-Stars!
Not so fast, junior. All-Star squads are off limits, and besides, the East All-Stars were way better -- Ray Bourque was a 99, and Lemieux was a 100! Get it together, man. Also you can only play as any team once, until you lose, at which point your available-team list resets. Also also, if you and your opponent pick the same team, prepare for a coin toss.

When did Quebec get a team?!
Big fan of hockey, are ya?

What if I get hungry or thirsty while ripping Russ Courtnall slap shots?
This part’s not free, but they're providing a brunch full of regional breakfast burritos like one with Philly scrapple, egg & cheese, while drink-wise, Allagash's doing drafts like Confluence, Fluxis, Bourbon Barrel Black, and Thing #1, which hopefully won't make you have to do the same when Russ Courtnall’s bearing down on you, and you accidentally did the one where the goalie goes to manual.

So what're we playing for, anyway?
Eternal bragging rights, for one. Also, beer, as they're putting together sweet gift baskets loaded with choice rare and vintage bottles (Petrus Oak Aged Pale Ale, '06 Cantillon Kriek, etc.), bar gift certifs, and pint glasses, perfect for shattering over Gretzky's head if you're facing off against Superfan No. 99.

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Time permitting, there may also be matchups between Jose P's staff and Nodding Head, and maybe even a "Beat The Owner" challenge for the tourney winner. Who knows. Go get signed up at their FB event page.