15 Facts About Portland That Are Actually Lies

Think you know all there is about the city where hipsters come to retire? Where it rains a ton? And where there are more strip clubs per capita than anywhere else? How about the fact that all three of those things are TOTAL LIES????? Here are 15 things you thought you knew about Portland, but really don't...

Sadly, "Keep Austin Weird" came first.
 

This past Thanksgiving the only city more knotted than us was LA!
 

Sorry Portlandia, we added 30,000 people to the workforce last year.

Common misconception, but the small town of Springfield has us beat even though it has less than ten clubs. Now, if you only count major cities, then we regain the crown.
 

That belongs to Pittsburgh. We're number eight.
 

Bend has the most per capita, but if we're talking sheer quantity we have the most out of any city in the world!

Meat purveyor Nicky USA brings in and sells everything from pigs and rabbits to water buffalo, python, and antelope. (Don’t worry, it’s local and sustainable!)
 

Okay this is mostly true as long as you're not aroused or doing anything someone deems indecent. It's hard to please everyone (especially when you’re not aroused!)
 

Not really. Between the property and income tax it works out to be basically the same as anywhere else.

There are plenty tall bikes and middle-aged women towing their dogs to yoga class, too.
 

Not anymore! Most have been sealed off by brick and concrete and at this point it’s hard to go more than a hundred yards in any direction.
 

Unless we’re playing the Sounders in soccer nobody really thinks about it.

Yeah at least until it dips a degree below freezing or snows half an inch.

Actually, we only get 40 inches per year. Compared to Mobile, AL's 67 inches that's nothing!

Then why won’t you let me pump my own gas!?

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