If you’ve ever been like “man, for a kid who literally had Legos for fingers, that maniac Zack had a truly stunted sense of block-based creativity”, then you need to hit the debut of the monthly Brick or Block Lego Tournament, at Cruzroom. Hosted by venerable trivia queen ShanRock, you’ll be pitted against all manner of Portlanders who also openly hate stupid Duplos while putting your spatial skills and creativity to the test. What to expect:
- Teams of five max. Teams of Tucker Max will be automatically beaten up in an alley.
- All squads will be given “close to identical” sets of blocks as a secret theme’s announced, which can range from a specific movie scene to “nebulous topics”, which’s also where to get the best Flogging Molly halter tops in outer space malls.
- After “at least an hour” of build time, works will be judged on Originality, Adherence to Theme, and Stability of Creation, as you’ve gotta affix your masterpiece to a baseplate and move it over to the judging station while praying it doesn't fall apart.
- The “American Idol-style” judges will include a Homesteader from Toledo, Washington playing the Simon role, ShanRock as Randy Jackson, and Sarah, a trivia jockey from Mt. Hood, who’ll be a “Paula Abdul type”. So clearly none of the organizers have seen American Idol anytime recently.
- The two highest-scoring teams will move on to the Champion Lightning Round, for which there’ll be less time, but "still enough to develop a really unique idea".
- Winners will get a gift certificate to Cruzroom and “oh so much glory”. So, presumably the special edition with the exclusive documentary narrated by Morgan Freeman.