California Extreme Your inner child just peed his pants. Twice.

You clearly don't live in a perfect world, because if you did, there would be zero poverty, Natalie Portman would do full frontal, and arcade games wouldn't need quarters. Making your world a little more perfect this weekend, California Extreme: a Santa Clara exhibition where Natalie Portman is doing full frontal... wait, no... almost 400 playable, old-school quarter guzzlers (NFL Blitz 2000!) are being set to free play for 10hrs on back-to-back days.

If you a) are Fred Savage's brother, b) have a serious mental disorder, and c) regularly score 50000pts on Double Dragon, you'll want to enter ALL of their $10 buy-in tournaments (last year they gave away $6000), including two separate pinball tourneys divided into "old-school games" and "the new hotness", plus the "Pole Position" race with a $100 guaranteed prize purse. If you're feeling a little less competitive, aren't Fred Savage's brother, don't have a serious mental disorder, or regularly score 50000pts on DD, dick around at 150 pinball games and over 240 arcade games just for fun, including Street Fighter II, Paperboy, and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, a game where -- no matter how bad you are -- you'll still likely whip dudes.

Oh, and there is an entrance fee to get into this whole thing, which you can totally sidestep if you bring in three arcade games of your own, which's about as likely to happen as zero poverty Natalie Portman doing full frontal.