What Your DC Neighborhood Says About You

Regardless of your city quadrant or state locale, the DC region is known for its patchwork of neighborhoods. The neighborhood you have chosen says more about you as a person than you might think, unless you're too busy ripping shots to think, in which case... hey, are you in Adams Morgan? Find out what your DC 'hood says about you, and if you don't see yours, feel free to have a go at it in the comments.
 

You have a bit of a split-personality thing happening. On any given night you could be downing Millie & Al’s JELL-O shots and/or (most likely and) an entire Jumbo Slice pizza.  But then, you also have the refinement to appreciate the escargot hush puppies at Mintwood Place and the duck confit at Roofer’s Union. Also, you should call your parents more. 
 

You either live for the weekend bar crawl... or loathe it. Because they became just a bit too frequent, Arlington now regulates its popular pub crawls. It’s a neighborhood divided. Are you pro- or anti-crawl? This is one of the great conflicts of our times.

You're either a homeowner living off the rapid rise of real estate values, or a renter riding out the value of a rapidly changing neighborhood gearing up to resent said homeowners when your rent climbs next year.

You're huddled up in a corner at Hellbender Brewing Company hoping no one notices that your relatively secluded, out-of-the-way neighborhood has developed quite the nice little bar- and restaurant-scene.
 

You have an unreasonably expensive purebred dog, an even more unreasonably expensive stroller for your new child, and one foot out the door on your inevitable move to the suburbs. 
 

People in Friendship Heights may have discerning tastes (Tiffany's, Jimmy Choo, and Bulgari) but they also drive a pretty hard bargain (TJ Maxx and Marshalls). Also, they are not necessarily as friendly as the name would imply.

You like to go hard all day and all night, but unfortunately, so do the tourists who flock to your neighborhood, which is why you almost had a breakdown the other day when you waited for what seemed like hours to buy Hot Pockets at Walgreens at 3am.
 

If you judge a book by its cover, then you can judge a neighborhood by its listserv. And, the Cleveland Park neighborhood listserv is a staggering concentration of crazy. What do people in Cleveland Park worry about? Discussion threads include: the manhunt for a flower thief and the best ways to stop the “hellacious” decibel levels of leaf blowers.
 

You thought it would be cool to live in an enormous row-house with a bunch of strangers (read: Craigslist roommates) like you were living out a season of The Real Word. You no longer think it was such a great idea, though people have most assuredly stopped being polite.

You are a walking humblebrag, peppering terrible jokes about your "grueling commute" (aka five minute walk to work) into casual conversation. You take any possible opportunity to remind everyone how "close to everything" you are. You spend a higher proportion of your income on rent then you'd admit to anyone. 

Do you like Vineyard Vines? Do you wear boat shoes? If you answered yes to both of these then you probably live in Georgetown. If there's a roman numeral after your name, then you DEFINITELY live in Georgetown.
 

You have canceled plans on several occasions because you just couldn't stomach yet another Metro-bus-to-bike transfer. You like your neighborhood, but for some reason struggle getting friends to visit. You watch a fair amount of Netflix alone.
 

You pride yourself on riding the X2. You wear it like a badge of honor and vow never to ride the streetcar (if it ever opens). Anytime you're hanging out in another 'hood (which is rare), you talk about all your favorite H Street spots to the point that other people start looking for ways to get out of conversations with you. 

You are both excited about the Nats' prospects this year and dreading the onslaught of baseball crowds. You take a little TOO much pride in the granite countertops of your freshly built condo. 
 

NoMa's a former destination for the club-set and the Greyhound bus riders that morphed into a flourishing magic land equipped with a Metro stop and a slew of young professionals battling each other of apartments with rooftop pools. Much like its residents, NoMa is more style than substance. 

Ramen joint (check), happening beer garden (check), intentional dive bar (check), multiple concert venues (check), new up-and-coming neighborhood brewery (check), people who won't stop talking about all of the above (check). Yep, Shaw is quite happening these days.

You caved and headed for the suburbs, but it's cool because you're still on the Red Line and there's a nice Downtown and people are still going to come see you. Right? Right? You guys?

People often refer to your neighborhood as "Berkeley East" or "the people’s republic." You take both of these as compliments.

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