Smash My Malibu Pay $5 to destroy some dude's car

Some things in life are just too good to be true, like finding out you just won the Lotto, or even better, finding out you just won a free velour warm-up suit from noted Italian sports apparel maker Lotto! Adding "taking a sledge hammer to some dude's car" to the list, Smash My Malibu.

Billed as not-your-average "Classic Malibu Smash and Hot Dog Boil", SMM is an epically absurd, one-day, dwarf-free, likely impossible-to-insure fundraiser where you can pay cash money to go all medieval on some guy's ride, because, as they put it: "How many times have you seen a Malibu cruising the highway and thought, Damn! Wish I was driving that b**ch! Now you can do the next best thing. Smash that b**ch the f*** up!"...well said, well said. The action's pay-as-you-play, with weapons/sporting equipment varying in price and ranging from $.50 per punch/kick and $2 for a thick chain, to $4 for a whack with a baseball bat and $5 for a sledge hammer, not to mention they'll provide day-of pricing if you elect to bring your fave battle axe, flail, or spike club mace; after the last swing, one lucky participant can even pay $250 for the opportunity to hurl a Molotov Cocktail into the passenger seat window -- an option dubbed the Hungarian Special, presumably because the Irish hate car bomb jokes and aren't afraid to fight. From there things admittedly get weird, with a veritable cornucopia of probably made-up big-tent sideshows w/ marquees like "Let Judge Reinhold Watch You Undress" or "Get High With Pauly Shore", along with random special celebrity appearances from "today's sizzling hot Hollywood stars" like a hometown hero Mark Wahlberg look-a-like and best of all, "Ice Cold Pepsi Vending Machines on-site" though the "Pepsi is not necessarily ice-cold".

But wait, there's more: fresh off his appearance at the Norwood Knockouts Haircuts For Men, Medfield's Pete "Hurricane" McNeely is slated to fight a kangaroo in a no holds barred undercard match, and "Fast Eddie" will be onsite selling bootleg DVDs, yet another thing in life just too good to be true, assuming he's got Howard the Duck.