Carbonara Trattoria A Spaghetti Northeastern

Now open on the NE side of things, Carbonara is a new Italian eathouse specializing in authentic meat sauces served amongst arched doorways, beige marble/stucco-esque walls, a dark granite bar, and other rustic trimmings that make it feel like the Old Country, which also became Big Country's nickname when he turned 25 and stopped being able to walk.

You'll wanna kick off with an assorted antipasto plate (salami, prosciutto, ham, sopressata, provolone, Parm, Gorgonzola), prosciutto w/ buffalo mozz, garlic & lemon shrimp on a polenta bed, and Trieste-style steamed mussels w/ grilled country bread, which Kenny Chesney will continue to make make regardless of your questioning facial expressions, you money hater!

Keep things going with pancetta-sauced pasta dishes like creamy lobster ravioli or Bucatini All 'Amatriciana w/ pecorino; risotto w/ saffron, clams, mussels, scallops, calamari & shrimp; or entrees like tomato sauce/white wine-braised veal shank, Australian lamb rack, or lightly floured, silver-skinned Mediterranean sea bass known as Bronzini, which will also presumably answer to "Wayne Newton".

Ensure your date looks reasonably attractive with 40 Italian wines by the bottle (as cheap as $21), self-serve from two four-spouted WineStations, or stick with 20 bottled beers including Peroni and Moretti, enough of which will have you empathizing with Big Country's inability to walk.