Now very, very quietly open (shhhh!) in Glendale, Eden Burger Bar's a sleek, ground-meat emporium from a former liquor distribution dude who's paired a black-tie interior (white tufted leather walls, black hardwood floors, white snakeskin-ish chairs) with tuxedo tail-equipped $10 burgers, far more dignified than $10 Berger, his nickname after selling half a copy of that crappy book.

Patties're all crafted from 35-day dry-aged beef, w/ no-subs-allowed options including a blue cheese-stuffed (w/ arugula, blue-jack, onion, tomato & housemade remoulade), a pastrami-piled (w/ Swiss, slaw & onion), and a jalapeno bacon, habanero cheese, avocado, giardiniera & tomato-'n-avo mayo-slathered Kobe monster, aka what Josh McRoberts says any time Bryant's all "Yo dude, what's your favorite kind of truck?"

If burgers with bearnaise and sunny-side up eggs aren't your thing, for shame, but you can also order pizzas (ranging from wild mushroom sauce & truffle salt to pepperoni, Kobe beef & salami), sandwiches (remoulade-doused pastrami on pumpernickel, roasted red pepper grilled chicken...), and actually nice deserts like hazelnut gelato and a macaroon trio featuring salty caramel, blueberry-lavender, and chocolat, which likely has some serious Depp-th.

Oh, right, about that alligator burger: they've got one coming in the next couple weeks, so hold your horses, or, if you're dating Berger, your comments about scrunchies.