Because you just realized that thing in the backyard you use to keep your tree propped up is.... a grill (!!), finally learn how to actually cook on it with this recipe from Post & Beam dude/Iron Chef competitor Govind Armstrong, who'll show you how to make insane ribs slathered in "white" BBQ sauce -- "white" because it enjoys Frisbee sports, the Toyota Prius, and Deep-Vs uses mayo.

Step 1: Get In The Mix
Firstly, take a ton of spices that sound like crazy, potentially painful sexual acts (ground fennel, hot smoked paprika...) and mix 'em together with Greek yogurt to create a marinade; then, toss in the ribs, rub it all in, and put it in your fridge for two days.

Step 2: Warm It Up
After you've almost forgotten what that weird white mixture is in your fridge, take it out and stuff it in the oven for 90min at 250 degrees, which, fun fact, is almost exactly how much an owl can turn its head... when someone on the other side of the room mentions crazy, potentially painful sexual acts.

Step 3: Make The Sauce
In a bowl, mix up mayo, apple juice, vinegar, horseradish, lemon, Worcestershire, and three types of peppers, all of which are dried, ground, and NOT wearing penis tube socks.

Step 4: The Grill Thang
Finally, dip your ribs in your mayo mix, toss them on the grill, and then slather them in that same "white" BBQ sauce for about 10min, or until they're talking about how awesome The Wire was caramelized.