Zen Sai Sushi and pork belly sliders... get some

Just this once, listen to R. Kelly's advice, and hit the hotel lobby of Essex House to settle in at Zen Sai, a Deco-style indoor/outdoor Japanese eatery anchored by a massive wraparound bar, and also boasting low-slung seats, sake display cases, plus an al fresco poolside courtyard surrounded by hedges.

Get Zen yourself while deeply contemplating whether you want to start things off with squid jerky, spicy rock shrimp, or pork belly sliders, before getting into bigger plates including scallion ribeye, bacon-wrapped scallops, Japanese sausage, and curry pad Thai, which Eddy ate tons of to pad his stats, before realizing that's not how it works. After that, they're doing rolls like jalapeño/ apple/ salsa/ grilled shrimp, a king crab job w/ scallion & honey, plus one interestingly stuffed with prosciutto, truffle oil, and balsamic vinegar, a favorite dish of Japanese-Italian wrestling star Ted "The Million Yen Man" DiBimaki.

Recover from that joke with the help of 22 types of sake, Japanese brews, and cocktails like the sake/vodka Kimono martini and the Maker's-heavy Zing -- so not quite Coke and rum, but definitely enough to have you some fun.