Rodizio Grill All-you-can-meat for $20 less

Want the unlimited meat of a Brazilian steakhouse without the unlimited buyer's remorse of dropping $50+ at a Brazilian steakhouse? Then -- after starving yourself for a week -- hit just-opening Rodizio Grill, who'll serve you that bottomless churrascaria for just $20 at lunch and $33 at dinner.

Purportedly the first authentic Brazilian steakhouse in the US (... in 1995!), Rodizio's first Minnesota location looks basically like any other well-polished chain (airy, lots of dark wood), but is set off with the requisite knife-wielding, 3ft skewer-touting gaucho servers ready to cut you off as much meat as you'd like, so, actually not cut you off. Staked goodness includes beef like seasoned tri-tip, Brazilian pot roast, and sirloin w/ parmesan, plus roasted leg of lamb, fresh-daily seafood, and marinated pork loin, all of which are seasoned and slow-roasted to "melt in your mouth", so put that next to "toothpaste is expensive" on the list of reasons you really don't need teeth. If you're an idiot, you can also indulge in stomach-space-ruiners like banana frita, polenta, Brazilian cheese bread, 15 salad bar options (including marinated quail egg salad...), and fruits & veggies like fresh-glazed pineapples called "abacaxi".

Since you've just eaten like 4lbs of food, you might as well just say goodbye to your loved ones and finish the job with desserts like caramel flan, lime meringue pie, and three-layer chocolate cake, so prepare to wake up the next day with the remorse of having to drop 50+ pounds.