Secret Kebab Kebabs that Boom from a shady Turk

A secret's often best when it's revealed, except of course when your properly PH-balanced deodorant shows when you wear a tube top. Flake alert!! Letting a delicious one out, the guy behind Secret Kebab.

From a dude with the Bond-villain handle "The Turk" and a tenuous grasp on English, Secret's a late-night fire-to-door service hooking you up with kebabs whose delivery days you glean from its owner's ecstatic and often hilarious Twitter feed punctuated by his trademark "BOOM BOOM", apparently "a message of explosive satisfaction and happiness", as opposed to a loud grunt followed by snoring. Secret's core is the Adana-style, wood-fired spicy lamb kebab rolled into spottily charred housemade pita with stuff like a beet and mint sauce, crunchy carrots, and slightly bitter spring mustard greens ("Highest nutritions leafs on your body"), and soon to be paired with a falafel that's traditionally made because a "ghost of my uncle will hunt me" if it isn't, leaving The Turk to feel his family's wraith. Once you check delivery days on the Twitter, simply message him your desired quantity and delivery time before going back to perusing exclamation-riddled tweets like "My meat is messing up your mind Portland?!" and "Eat a kebab and you will taste my Master!!", although it's unclear why he put the answers to the math homework in his food.

While delivery is mainly rocking nights in NW Portland, the Turk is happy to swap the goods at a rendezvous spot, and send his driver out for special occasions (like lunch!) with enough warning and a minimal delivery fee -- although don't try to stiff him, because just like your deodorant, this guy is strong enough for a man.