Noir Restaurant & Bar Ya gonna wanna go here, seeeeee

Trading in a visual style permeated by disillusionment, pessimism, and despair for... spicy chile-glazed crab balls (!), Noir's a Franco-American throwback taste-ery juuuust opened along Passyunk and filled with classy era-referencers like black-and-white movie bills and live Jazz, which you'll enjoy whether you're with a group or Malone.

Like the wooden sword in The Legend of Zelda, the fare's super accessible, and given to you by an old man surrounded by ominous fireballs from "Moules Frites" (PEI mussels and white wine over fries) and a half-pound burger, to a Montreal steamed hot dog (w/ relish & cabbage slaw) and a 24oz braised pork shank dipped in a red wine demi. Also worth stomach-noting: salmon stuffed with (yawn) jumbo lump crab, and a plate of fish & chips that're beer-battered in a Canadian brew that's a) sorta like Coors, and eh) loves Tim Horton's.

It's BYO for now, but Noir does have a list of tweaked traditional 'tails in the works as soon as PLCB gets that license converted and stops with the whole "It's in the mail, man".