Utah... gimme 2!

The first joint in new mini-restaurant cluster The Ocean, 24th and Meatballs has opened its boxing-memorabilia-filled spot (which awesomely/illegally replaced the Stop sign outside with its own saying "For Meatballs!") just in time to satisfy FBI agents on stakeout who're so hungry they could eat the ass end out of a dead rhino, and also anyone else with a hankering for some saucy, less-graphically described meat

While 24th loves a good "balls" joke ("Portland's tastiest balls" on the wall!), they're also dead-serious about them: choose from four varieties (picante pork, chicken Parmesan, classic Italian w/ veal, beef & pork, or something called "vegan") and four sauces (tomato, cheese, spicy pork, hazelnut pesto), and they'll drop your choice onto housemade pasta, polenta, sliders, paninis, and baked heroes, aka the Avengers cast after breaking into Downey's stash. Because you definitely need dessert after downing meatball sliders and paninis, grab "waffle balls" that're crispy outside, doughy inside and come slathered in seasonal berry sauce, chocolate, or dulce de leche

Nothing costs more than eight bucks, so you'd be wise to transfer those savings to the huge bottled/canned beer selection, which includes Fort George's Sunrise Oatmeal Pale Ale, Hopworks IPA, and Nectar Red Ale -- tell the bartender to give you two of each, and expect stuff to get Swayze.