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Kobayashi who?

Portland

Chestnut up and hit Sunday's annual hot dog-eating contest at Zach's Shack, where $5 enters you into a no-throw-up throwdown with upper-echelon esophageal warriors to see who can eat the most progressively less-delicious tubesteaks (the record stands at 14).

Along with an increased chance of contracting Type 2 diabetes, the winner gets a WWF-style belt and a "gold" T-shirt -- just follow the below advice from Seaside (Ore.) dog stalwart "Blue Steele" and Flushing (Mich.) Fair runner-up "The Great Tuurino", and you just might be on your way to a Lipitor endorsement deal come Monday

1) Stretch: Not your quads, but your belly -- eat a few dogs the day before, then drink ridiculous amounts of water. When you get rid of the liquid, your stomach'll be a flaccid sack that'll house more sausages than AEPi during rush

2) Dunk: This ain't Olive Garden (which sucks, yes, but it's not, so just get over it), so do your best to not fill up on bread. Dipping your dog in water or one of the joint's many draught microbrews'll turn the bun to mush that takes up less stomach real estate

3) Chew: The temptation is to swallow big hunks, but that'll just clog your pipe and make you charf. Masticate vigorously and you'll dominate despite becoming progressively less delicious yourself.

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