New advances in technology have made life significantly easier, especially now that robots do the sex. Now making awesome tech advances in something almost as awesome as sensual bang-machines, The Melt, opening tomorrow.
From the dude who invented the out-of-business-but-it-wasn't-his-fault Flip Cam, The Melt is a tech-savvy grilled cheese shoppe gourmet-ifying the bread 'n cheese staple while making the whole ordering process smart phone-friendly and line-free, unlike Charlie Sheen's exotic-dancing friends' asses. Here's how it works: you'll remotely place a food order from a smart phone and in exchange you'll get a QR code good at any Melt location (they're rather unambitiously planning to open only 500 of these in the next five years) -- once it's scanned your in-app credit card'll be charged and you'll pick up your grilled cheese in a little over a minute, thanks to a specialty Euro cooking contraption that combines a microwave oven and two burners, though if you're planning to launch a major drug organization in Baltimore, you might want to do without that last part. Order-ables are simple: you can get any of five Michael Mina-consulted melts, fancily aerated cups/bowls of soup, and combinations of the two like The Wild Thing (aged Gruyere on white wheat plus creamy wild mushroom), The Amsterdam (smoked Gouda on 8-grain plus spicy black bean), and a Fontina/provolone melt on garlic bread served with Italian sausage 'n pepper soup -- a duo called The Italian Job, although it's much crappier when Marky Mark makes it.
And just because, they'll also have nostalgic snack-ables like warm chocolate chip cookies and Cracker Jack, which is what you'll instruct your robot, Jack, to do while you lounge about, freed from the burdens of lady sex.
Published: August 29, 2011 at 4:00am EDT
115 New Montgomery St
San Francisco, CA 94105
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