Soft drinks have developed a bad rap across the globe, from being linked to childhood obesity, to teens' reliance on caffeine, to a violent cross-border trafficking system because they won't let you buy enough Sudafed to make Crystal Pepsi. Combing the back alleys of the beverage industry: Thirsty Dudes.
Rocking often hilarious AND insightful reviews of an astounding array of n/a beverages from across the globe, the Dudes are a trio of (non-judgmental!) straight-edge lads who're serious about sobriety but "won't beat up your grandma because you enjoy a cool, refreshing Pinot every once in a while", but if it's a White Zin, the old bag's gonna pay. With 700+ reviews in 23 categories, it's easy to find "five bottle"-rated goodness like the somehow-US-made Natural Brew Chai Cola with "a really strong chai smell and taste, but in a good way", the Japanese Hey Song Shaking Jelly Apple Drink that results in "a cup of just amber colored sludge and I'm loving it", or even the veggie-rific Mr. Q. Cumber, which the reviewer claims "sounds kind of gross, but the execution was just incredible", meaning Mr. Cumber was pretty happy when the Dudes pulled him off the Rack. With categories like "chunky drinks" and "soy" there're bound to be some losers, like Korean Ginseng Drink With Root, which tastes like "water run off from a potted plant", or the Indian Hajoori's Kashmira with notes of "a dozen packets of Ortega taco seasoning", and the alluring Middle Eastern Baron Jeera, with commentary like "This made my girlfriend gag and nearly throw up", so apparently, Baron's one drink that isn't all that soft. Heyoo!
As the Dudes search high and low for stranger and better beverages to pour down their gullets, they make it a point to search out those drinks recommended by readers, although if you'd just get off your butt and search for the stuff yourself, it'd probably help curb adulthood obesity. Well, that or some meth.
Published: February 21, 2011 at 4:00am EST
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