This faux collection of industry work can be boiled down to this one nugget of awesome: "Immediate opening for intelligent, focused assistant to a pair of celebrity publicists...The ideal candidate is an expert at straddling the thin line between demonstrating how intensely you think you could be a real publicist right now and pretending that you are happy being an assistant to two people who are surprisingly out of touch, don't have basic technology skills and make 10x your salary while doing 1/10 the amount of work".

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