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PoopSenders

Philadelphia

They say revenge is a dish best served cold, but that really doesn't hold true when that revenge is a giant box of poop. Mail some out at perfectly disgusting room temperature, using PoopSenders.

Operating from a clandestine Keystone State location, PS does just what it says: anonymously mails boxes packed with steaming animal waste in plastic baggies anywhere in the lower 48, because Hawaii's too far, and Alaska's assy enough as it is. The lovely quart or gallon-sized "gifts" come in three varieties: cow chips guaranteed to be "as fresh as today's milk, but with a much different aroma", elephant excrement whose "looks alone are enough to turn your stomach and boy does it stink", and limited supplies of top-of-the-line dung o' gorilla, which "don't crap as much as the others [but] more than make up for it in human-like looks and smell", oddly, the very same description found on the crate Ryan Seacrest came in. Upping the prank-ante, PS packs a card in each bag explaining/taunting "You've been pooped on -- want to know by whom? OVER", daring the poopee to release the stanky wrath and dig through the crap only to discover a back stating "We'll never tell", a mantra familiar to everyone who had your scoutmaster.

Presumably to protect themselves from litigation, PS clearly states that customers agree the services provided are for entertainment purposes only and not to "threaten, constitute harassment," or "violate a legal restraint" -- though if you've got a restraining order that says you can't send boxes of poop, that's just cold, man.

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