Spread
Peanut butter's the cornerstone of a healthy childhood -- but since you still spend your days playing video games and looking at pictures of naked ladies despite the watchful eyes of older people who yell at you, who's to say it's not also the cornerstone of an unhealthy adulthood? Get some Spread.
Spread'll also do custom blends using 200+ ingredients encompassing everything from rare teas to house-made salts, plus out-there bases like macadamias and pistachios -- no matter how old you get, you never get tired of playing with nuts.