It's a pain to go to Mexico: the traffic is terrible, you'll most likely end up kidnapped or dead, and worst of all, the traffic is terrible. Helping you visit Mexico without the senseless holdups, Te'Kila.

Opening today, Te'Kila's designed by the Goal and Kitchen 24 guy to resemble an old-school Mexican bar, w/ dangling candelabras, aged-wood paneling, and a plethora of paintings of south-of-the-border gangsters, most of who're still confused about what exactly a plethora is. In terms of their namesake booze, they've got over 100 varieties, most of which are displayed above a gated window and in a floor-to-ceiling mirrored display behind the bar, where they're also serving up specialty drinks including house margaritas packed w/ fruit (blackberries, watermelon, mango, etc) and 'tails like the Casadores Blanco/ cucumber/ lemon/ agave/ St Germain/ tabasco "Ay Caramba"; the rum/ lime/ mint/ pineapple "Mexican Mojito"; and the Sombra Mezcal/ lime/ agave nectar/ amaretto "Smoking Gun," also the name of a firearm that can only be used outside in California. Grubwise, they're slinging Mexican breakfast/lunch/dinner including the Borracho Burrito (scrambled egg, chorizo, jalapeno, mozzarella, black beans, roast potato); applewood bacon-wrapped camarones (shrimp), and the jalapeno/ cheddar/ cilantro/ crema/ refried bean/ salsa roja "Nachos Explosion," which could chip the paint, or bean someone, especially if they had beef. Cheesy, right?

In addition, they've also got a monster surf-and-turf burrito stuffed w/ both lobster and filet mignon and accompanied by a shot of TBA premium tequila, which they call the "Millionaires Burrito," and is on sale for $300, also the price you'll have to pay in Mexico to gain your release... from traffic school.