Own Canadian choppers, au naturale

It's hard not to admire someone so unencumbered by materialistic yearnings and physical insecurities that they would join a nudist colony...soooo throbbingly hard. Admire the work of someone who grew up in one, with Geoffrey Lilge's cutting boards.

These luxe, handmade charcuterie & cutting boards were tested for four years in the restaurant owned by the designer's wife before being deemed good enough to "make a mother proud", and come from a Canuck who literally grew up in a nudist commune, so you know they were down with the policies of Glasnuts. Cut entirely from sustainably harvested Canadian lumber, each design's avail in your choice of either light maple (for everyday cutting) or dark walnut (better suited for charcuterie/serving board duties), is hand-polished using a unique combo of mineral/flaxseed oils & beeswax, and finished with a coat of fish oil, so if you want to improve your cardiovascular health, eat one cutting board every morning. Currently stocking eight different models, steez includes the 20" circular Slab Round, the paddle-shaped Slab Long, and the mother of them all: the 26" Culina Tray circular server, with two protruding handles boasting finger holes for extra grip, just like a good woman bowling ball.

In terms of upkeep, Lilge recommends periodically coating the boards with mineral oil, which they claim you can pick up at drug stores, something nudist colonies must have a lot of to keep everyone thinking they're in good enough shape to not need clothes.