It's the lucky man who can turn his passion into a profitable career -- because, let's face it, after spending two years acting in nothing but circle jerks and the occasional clown gangbang, most of your passion is shot. Paying the bills with the things he loves most -- historically accurate instruments of death! -- the man behind Therion Arms.

After 30 years as a collector (and 29 as an internet presence -- go Arpanet and Bitnet!), this Travis County martial arts aficionado, anthropology degree holder, and software developer did what every self-respecting dude who owns a claymore would: go online with meticulously researched reproductions of melee weapons, armor, and accessories from the days before guns 'n ammo. The head-splitting inventory spans hundreds of years and thousands of miles, with pointy things from both the East (samurai katanas, tantos, and the 6.5ft-long yari spear; Chinese gear like the wide-bladed quandao spear) and West, including the Danish Mannen hand axe (a silver-inlaid repro of one found in a Viking noble's tomb), the American colonial-era Spontoon tomahawk (which doubles as a fully functional pipe), and the stabby, 5"-long Scottish dirk, who like an early Nowitski, plays defense with his skirt on. Since you should always use protection, get wrapped in replicas like the Roman Lorica Segmentata (overlapping steel plates and matching helmet), three types of Milanese gauntlets, or the jousting "Armet" that tragically prevented mortal injury to Jonathan Rhys-Meyers in The Tudors.

While Therion's serious about the details, he still appreciates a good joke, which is why he offers a series of sword-hilted umbrellas including the Samurai, the Viking, and the Gothic Bastard -- which your erotic clown-frenzy wouldn't have produced if you'd taken the Vikings' advice and worn a helmet.