Since it's even harder to bring back cheap furniture you find abroad than it is to bring back the stuff that makes you want to do nothing but sink into that furniture/another dimension, scope out Nadeau: a showroom that got its start in Cali doing one-off warehouse sales of imported local-market hardwood housewares from India and Indonesia at too-cheap-to-fail prices, then took the reigns of production by employing factories of artisans to handcraft re-creations. A few of their choicest wares:

Make up for your lack of leather-bound books by snagging this smelling-of-rich-mahogany end table, with tapered ornamented legs and wicker accents, which in the hands of Nicolas Cage, sound just like Nicolas Cage.

This rosewood cabinet has ornamental eight-point star carvings on the low doors, top-drawer handles made from clam-shaped iron, and dark, nearly rusting wrought iron criss-crossing into a 24-bottle wine rack, which is about how much you consume nightly if you're a stripper with boobs the size of Goldie Hawn's.

Do you need a 2ft steel-clasping box hand-painted with the Union Jack...no? Will you buy it? Well, the answer to that entirely depends on whether you get over the "another dimension" phase, and enter into the "compulsive spending on crazy stuff" phase.