Graffiti: sexy, hip. You: neither of those things, which's exactly why you need to arm yourself with facts to drop on female companions about John "CRASH" Matos, the NYC graf forefather whose "Misdemeanors to Masterpieces" exhibit opening Friday will feature 17 spray-painted canvases, because the building's doors apparently weren't wide enough to fit subway cars and entire other buildings. What you should say in between trips to the open bar:
- "CRASH, or John, as I call him when we talk paint, was actually the first bomber to tag NYC subways, as well as the first to see his work appear in world-renowned galleries."
- "No, he didn't fly large aircraft in the war, silly. 'Bomber' is actually a term for a subset of graffiti artists. But I also care deeply about our nation's devoted service men... and women."
- "He actually used to hang out with Basquiat and Keith Haring. Oh, you don't know Keith Haring? He was basically like Keith Hernandez with even more talent. But no mustache."
- "John created no less than five custom guitars for Eric Clapton, one of which he used on stage for five years. By the way, have I mentioned you look Wonderful Tonight?"
- "His piece Pain to Joy epitomizes the inherent conflict that exists between the struggle and burden of creation, which's ultimately made worth it by the ecstasy of the completed work." You really don't even need to say something clever after that one.