Fabulous Noble Your portrait done by a big-time artiste

Serving as an intermediary between commoners and high-profile artists willing to immortalize them in an imaginative, "compelling contemporary" portrait, Fabulous Noble offers options for "every budget", provided those budgets contain allocations for narcissistic home decorating.

Their stable's stocked with artists, illustrators, and graphic designers whose resumes're peppered with high-profile contract work for the likes of Coca-Cola, Nike, and Lady Gaga, but you'll need to pick the one whose style "seduces you" before getting in touch. In order for that Lady Gaga guy to make you look raah raah ra-ah-avishing, you'll then have to submit a photo and complete a special form explaining your personality, "physical elements", and any special requests, e.g., "please diminish my physical elements".

After consulting the artist, they'll come back with a quoted price and turnaround time, greenlighting the project as soon as you agree, sending regular progress updates, and advising you on presentation based on the finished product, though being a narcissist, you probably already know how to mount yourself.