The Quadrofoil A jetski that flies above the water

Leaving demoralized Sea-Doos so upset that they Sea-Can't, the just-debuted Quadrofoil's an electric-powered, dual-seat, carbon fiber & Kevlar hydrofoil that uses four underwater wings modeled after whale fins to "fly" a few feet above the water, meaning... wait, whales can fly??? Here's what it means to "live in the future, NOW!":

• Hit speeds of 25mph
• Run in near-total silence, not including your womanly screams when you hit 25mph whilst whale-flying above the water
• Cover 60+ miles on one charge
• Recharge via either plug, or a row of solar cells built into the hull
• Use a waterproof compartment to store more than three cubic feet of provisions for "day trips" (soggy LSD is gross!)
• Automatically retract those wings to safely navigate rocky areas, or nearby swimmers, whom you'll have to save anyways, as they'll be paralyzed by the sight of your awesome
• Drive comfortably in cold weather thanks to a plastic snap-on cockpit cover
• Also-automatically steady yourself upright after a rollover, which will inevitably happen what with all those obnoxious whales flying all over the place