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Those aren't the portraits you're looking for. But these are.

San Francisco

Finally acknowledging Star Wars' blatant Victorian sensibilities (eg, dramatic familial power struggles, gloves), these Alameda-made, limited-edition portraits depict your favorite Lucas characters, plus C-3PO, as 19th-century upperclassmen (think ascots, mutton chops, and, fingers-crossed, uncorseted tea gowns).

Available in lots of just 75, the Wars-sterpieces include a distinguished-looking Chewbacca wearing a monocle in "First Mate", a dandified R2-D2 holding a smoking pipe in "Copilot", and "Kingpin", which illustrates Jabba as a ties-ladies-to-train-tracks baron who holds a cigar and rocks a sideburn-mustache combo, which honestly makes him look sort of Han-some.

All of the hangables are sketched, scanned, and Photoshopped by a 20-something Pixar artist who then prints them on 9"x13" canvases, hand-numbers and signs 'em, and gives you the option to snag yours gallery-wrapped, unframed, or framed, though after she demands you take your Star Wars art off the wall, you actually will have been the one to kill your wife.

And before you're all, "where the hell is Lando in a mackintosh coat?!?", know that the Pixar dude is more than open to doing commissions, as, like a restrained Victorian lady, he spends like all day in the drawing room.

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