Las Vegas

702.375.2796

Not only will these models/dancers/hostesses show up to the course in busty tops and prep-school skirts, they're all trained in the rules of golf, etiquette, and cart driving. The high-rollers will be so envious, they'll hardly enjoy their post-round romp with $2000 hookers.

Almost every Vegas show has set-aside seats for whales, PR types, celebs, celebs' moms, etc -- for a minimal membership fee, HS gives you the unused tix for free, whether it's Penn & Teller, Cirque du Soleil, De La Soul, or the mighty Hall & Oates. You'll get an email alert, after which just reserve your event of choice, print your receipt, and bring it to will-call -- no hassles except Donovan McNabb's mom won't quit forcing Chunky Hearty Bean & Ham down your throat.

VME provides a no-frills guide to more than 30 LV top- and bottomless joints, breaking things down to "critical factors" such as # of girls, food and drink, ambiance, hustle factor, dancer mileage, etc, all presented in blurbs and easy-to-read spreadsheets. Highlights: Larry's Villa has the cheapest beer ($3.75), and while Seamless offers no food, you can order from nearby Capriotti's subs -- don't let the dancers see you splurged on double-cheese, or you'll never know if they really like you for you.

With this swim-up blackjack table (with waterproof cards and chips), you'll enjoy the only gaming that actually gets better after you've lost your shirt.

This LV-based company lets you easily convert your boring old toilet into a thrilling bidet, then further enhance with accessories like an ambient water warmer, heated toilet seats, a special connector for RVs and boats (though lakes are already nature's bidets). There's also the "Biffy Squirt", a high-powered squirt-bottle that provides both on-the-go cleansings, and on-the-go hilarity when parched friends ask you for a sip.

Watch the video from biffy.com -- these people really love their Biffy