Las Vegas

In stories, the town's richest man always lives in the House on the Hill, for the symbolic prestige, and because when you own all the sh*t, you've got to be able to see who's messing with it. Now, check in to the House on the Hill on the Strip: M Resort.

Perched atop the 400ft summit of Las Vegas Blvd, M's a 90-acre spread featuring 92,000 sq. ft. of gaming space, a 14-screen movie complex, plus 390 rooms culminating in the two-story Loft Suite, blessed with 270-degree views, multiple wet bars, and a stunning stone and glass staircase for ascending nobly to your boudoir to boot in the sink. Throughout the hotel there are six boozeries total, most notably the glass elevator-accessed Hostile Grape, an underground wine cellar where guests snag tastes of 120 wines via a prepaid card; outdoor drinking's centered around the impossibly sprawling Villagio del Sole piazza, complete with fire displays, a pool bisected by a runway/drinking lounge, and a full-on concert venue where headliners'll be back-dropped by the Strip -- a Neon Americana spectacle that'll make Christina Aguilera appear tiny enough to top a Triscuit. The nine dining options, all with outdoor balconies, range from the charcoal grilled steak & seafood house Terzetto, to Studio B Show Kitchen Buffet: a 500-seat restaurant & live-action cooking studio where guests can watch chefs prepare international dishes, and enjoy beer and wine at no additional cost -- though technically the cost is having to watch chefs prepare international dishes.

For the feeble, M will even boast an on-site pharmacy, open 365 days a year for guests to either pick up scrips, or have them delivered to the room -- because even though everyone already knows it, the richest man in town doesn't like announcing to everyone that he has gout.