Los Angeles

6525 Sunset Blvd, Hollywood; 323.462.5222

This vaulted ceiling'd ode to sour fruit (lemon tree outside, huge painting of lemons/grapefruits) offers up curiously fruitless dishes like Lobster Fennel, 72hr Short Rib Frites, and Colorado Lamb w/ jalapeno sauce and "Gigante" beans. Just try and tell them they're not the magical fruit. We dare you.

This WeHo t-shirter reprints iconic campaign images/slogans, mostly from progressive unelectables like McGovern and McCarthy, whose "Get Clean for Gene" volunteers sheared their hippie hair so's to not freak out New Hampshire. Sadly, Gene's daring hair gambit was no match for Hubert Humphrey's bonecrushing attack machine.

Redeemable at: 6654 Hollywood Blvd, Hollywood

Sign up for the Hollywood wiener institution's newsletter, and they'll shoot you an email for a free dog this week, with future freebies to follow. Sign up for a colonics newsletter, and you might just make it out of this alive.

Sat-Sun at Sunset Plaza (8600 block of Sunset), West Hollywood

Monster discounts from Sunset retailers like Oliver Peoples (glasses), H Shoes (footwear), and H Men (men?).

Available at:
Brat: 1938 14th St, Santa Monica
Munky King: 7308 Melrose, Mid Wilshire

Only a jerk gives a Teddy Bear on V-Day. Instead, grab one of these smiling, plush internal organ dolls: heart, liver, lung, or kidneys -- which'll tell her, "I thought I knew love before, but this is the renal thing".