Los Angeles

3407 W 6th St, Koreatown; 213.487.7878

This Korea-via-NYC fried chicken joint offers up wings and drumsticks with a choice of two sauces (red-chili-ish “Hot” and “Soy Garlic”), and a double-frying process that drains out excess oil and makes BC theoretically more healthy, at least until you eat the whole plate, you disgusting pig.

Fri at Von Dutch: 819 N La Brea, Mid-Wilshire

This something-for-everyone blowout boasts free booze (Patron and V2), free music (the classic-rocky Steel Train), and living, breathing horses, all in support of a photo show featuring said horses, motorcycles, and rockers like Ozzy and Ted Nugent -- who declined to attend when told the horses had to be returned alive.

Sat-Sun 10am-5pm at Beauty Bar: 1638 N Cahuenga, Hollywood

50%-and-over discounts on tees, hoodies, hats, etc, from Obey, Mishka, Goorin Bros, and more, as well as a DJ and -- on Saturday -- live hip-hop. There'll also be booze, but you'll have to pay cash for it unless you buy a super-compelling Obey shirt.

Registration open now; event's April 19

Incorporating esoterica like truffle butter, rice, and macadamia nuts, this lactose-tolerant competition features four categories, from the white-bread-based Missionary Position to the anything-goes Karma Sutra. Obviously, this event is organized by a bunch of well-sexed ladies' men.

It's one thing to pull this off in the movie Porky's, but to invoke this man in front of a prestigious civic legislature is pure magic.