Los Angeles

6627 Hollywood Blvd, Hollywood; 323.456.2500

The Farmer's Market favorite launches its first sit-down location: a casual, no-frills spot serving classics like mole poblano w/chicken and chipotle shredded beef w/guac. Alcohol will be served, unlike at the original, where there was fear that you'd casually take a leek.

Though co-designed by a woman you've likely seen naked, these tees are appropriate for everyday wear, with graphics including Patrick in a Wonder Woman costume, dressed as a motorcycle mama, and in triplicate, pointing a gun over the line "Tera Patrick Makes My Day" (for when your "I'm Addicted to Masturbating" tee's in the wash).

July 13 at Bacaro: 2308 S. Union Ave, Downtown

For a scant $25, you get all-you-can-eat/drink steak, beer, and vino at this downtown wine bar. Though it's a bit more than a week away, seats won't last, especially when they start splintering under the asses of all-you-can-eat beefsteakers.

Saturday at the Standard: 550 S Flower St, Downtown

Continue your long-weekend revelry at this free rooftop pool party, with $40 champagne bottles, free Jell-o shots, 4 DJs, and a live performance from hip-hop crew Pacific Division, who use the slogan "Fashionable.Artistic.Trendsetters.= F.A.T." because nobody's buying "big boned".

Made from hand-blown, heat-resistant glass, this double-decker contraption makes 24oz of chilled ice tea without refrigeration: just steep in the top pitcher, then pour into the larger ice pitcher -- you'll think you're seeing double, even though you're only wilding on English Breakfast.

If what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, then how the hell are you supposed to find out about its dress-down, rock-n-roll strip club or resident super-pious hooker? You won't, you poor bastard.