Los Angeles

Whether you're truly fashionable or just overcompensating for a saggy ass, when you throw a briefcase of cash at designer jeans, you want to get your money's worth. Venice's Stronghold has the solution: custom jeans that'll stay solid long after you're feeding the worms.

Though Stronghold's saloonish digs have only been open a few months, from 1895 until its Great Depression-related demise the company was LA's go-to source for denim. Recently resurrected by Michael Cassel (the man you have to "thank" for Von Dutch), Stronghold delivers German matron-level sturdiness by using Levi's original, 100-year-old looms. The jeans are custom-cut from Stronghold's uniquely durable cloth, assuring that the next time you climb stairs, your tree-trunk thighs won't Hulk through the material, exposing your sapling penis. Even if something does give, Stronghold will fix them for free: each pair's guaranteed for life, so feel free to burn, rip, split, or even add suspenders (if you're hankering to get assaulted by rebellious teens).

Starting at $285, these pants aren't a steal, but at least you can rest easy knowing they'll last as long as you do -- which may be shorter than you think depending on whose briefcase you paid for them with.