Los Angeles

From Morton's The Steakhouse, this surf-&-turf delivery includes two filet mignons, two lobster tails, Morton's signature grilling salt, two stainless-steel steak knives, clarified butter, and cooking instructions that'll ideally keep the recipient out of Cedars-Sinai's The Burn Ward.

Designed to hold keys and mail, this wall rack balances the violence of an AK-47 with silhouettes of both flying birds and, dangling from the barrel, a little boy on a swing -- very yin-yang, unless the birds/kid are meant to suggest target practice.

Load up the CeiVA by emailing pics directly to the frame's unique address, and they're automatically slide-showed, providing a wonderfully high tech display on which your granddad can double-tape Polaroids of your high school graduation.

This glossy, boldly arranged tome presents "The Wisdom of the Metal Gods" via the genre's profoundest lyrics: daily affirmations (Iron Maiden: "I have the power to make my evil take its course"), explorations of the human condition (Alice Cooper: "You'd gift wrap a leper and send him to your Aunt Jane"), and invocations of sexuality both bafflingly tender (The Scorpions: "I kiss the pearl right from the shell/Until you feel what these words can't tell") and bafflingly obvious (Quiet Riot: "Wanna kiss your lips, not the ones on your face").

These smooth balls are designed to fly straighter and truer, thanks to their lack of dimples, which along with a crappy swing apparently contribute to slices. Sadly, what they gain in accuracy they lose in distance, but that doesn't matter, because dudes hate power and love accuracy.