The organizers of Vegas's twice-a-year super-tradeshow're doling out free booze while offering 50-75% off their favorite gear, including classy kicks from Generic Man and PF Flyers, artsy tees from Blood is the New Black and Modern Lovers, and bags from Cocaine Mule, whose impressive size and functionality make them tougher to shove up your butt than one would expect.

All the brands are at PoolTradeshow.com

This three-day seminar from a guy who's spent the last decade training special ops teams prepares you for doomsday, teaching skills needed to survive earthquakes, terrorist attacks, and more. You'll learn everything from safety-pin lockpicking to night-and-day covert movement, with the final exam including a Saturday mock kidnapping where you're hooded, handcuffed, and left at an undisclosed location -- so, Saturday.

To enroll or for more info, check out OnPointTactical.com

Intended for golfers, but useful for virtually any slob, this four-pack o' body wipes includes sunscreen, shoeshine, insect repellent, and deodorant, for the man who can afford 18, but nary a shower.

They're just now on sale at LAFreshGroup.com

This all-girl wrestling/burlesque blowout from the people behind Lucha Va Voom returns with an all-new, pirate-themed show, featuring ladybrawls, high-flying, scantily clad airborne acrobatics, and a set from pirate prop comic Parrot Top, who by virtue of name alone, is already funnier than Carrot Top.

All the info's at GirlieGirlCatfightShow.com; the first five people to email ggcscontest@gmail.com win a free pair of ticket