Los Angeles

10850 W Pico Blvd, West LA; 310.470.1539

Resembling a woodland loft, with Douglas Fir-slatted high ceilings and a wall of reclaimed cedar from the San Diego fires, this massive barstaurant from the former Whist chef boasts craft beers (Barney Flats Oatmeal Stout, North Coast Scrimshaw Pilsner) and an eats menu including a Burrata mozzarella BLT, king crab & avocado salad, and fennel sausage over hand-cut handkerchief pasta, harvested from the pockets of old men.

Sat 12-6 at 2900 Rowena Ave, Silverlake

The organizers of Vegas's twice-a-year super-tradeshow're doling out free booze while offering 50-75% off their favorite gear, including classy kicks from Generic Man and PF Flyers, artsy tees from Blood is the New Black and Modern Lovers, and bags from Cocaine Mule, whose impressive size and functionality make them tougher to shove up your butt than one would expect.

Thurs-Sat at Crowne Plaza, 5985 Century Blvd, Near LAX; 1.310.642.7500

This three-day seminar from a guy who's spent the last decade training special ops teams prepares you for doomsday, teaching skills needed to survive earthquakes, terrorist attacks, and more. You'll learn everything from safety-pin lockpicking to night-and-day covert movement, with the final exam including a Saturday mock kidnapping where you're hooded, handcuffed, and left at an undisclosed location -- so, Saturday.

Intended for golfers, but useful for virtually any slob, this four-pack o' body wipes includes sunscreen, shoeshine, insect repellent, and deodorant, for the man who can afford 18, but nary a shower.

Fri at the El Rey: 5515 Wilshire Blvd, Mid-Wilshire; 323.936.1247

This all-girl wrestling/burlesque blowout from the people behind Lucha Va Voom returns with an all-new, pirate-themed show, featuring ladybrawls, high-flying, scantily clad airborne acrobatics, and a set from pirate prop comic Parrot Top, who by virtue of name alone, is already funnier than Carrot Top.