Miami: Frozen "Mango"rita at Mangos Cafe

Well, that seems like a pretty good friend for it. Way better than that Mango who loves Matt Damon. What's next?

Minneapolis: Enter The Dragon @ Cucina Del Barrio

Three margs down and the fear of being caught starts to give way to feeling all spring-breaky, so whip out the camera and novelty headgear while Barrio serves up the spicy Enter The Dragon, with passion fruit, muddled pepper, and cava.

Portland: Cadillac Margarita at Casa Del Matador

Conditioned to endure the hot trends of NW Portland, the Margaritus Cadillactus (Cadillac Margarita, to the layman) takes its red tint from an infusion of Grand Marnier, which helps it hide among the flames of its volcanic homeland.

LA: Pershing Square's Las Perlas Spicy Daisy.

Hit this tequila/mezcal oasis, where you can get the Spiced Daisy w/ tequila, Combier and agave, which's blessed with a rim of salt and chili morita, which's exactly what you'll say after you finish this one.

Dallas: Modern @ Urban Taco

A beverage that floats like a butterfly and stings like this bee we had to pay $50 to, plus two passes to the Arboretum.

Seattle: Mission's $50 Margarita

Joe: Muddled slices of fresh fruit and a couple shots of Patron Platinum... according to at least one Bayport criminal, that's one more than dad ever needs to hit his mark.

Denver: The Sabio de Oaxaca at Aji

Mezcal, grapefruit, sage tincture, and tonic. Not technically treasure, but after five margs, you'll at least be fixated on finding a large chest.

Boston: Lolita Cocina and Tequila Bar's Spicy Cucumber

This smooth Don Julio Blanco and Patron Citronge blend is chock full of serrano chilis and muddled English cucumbers. Fake Boggs' Take: "You weren't kidding. This tastes nothing like beer."

DC: Margarita De Casa at Ceiba

The house special (silver tequila, citronge, house sour) comes with a tiny donkey, so prepare this drink to fiercely debate you about campaign finance reform. Which calls for another drink...

Atlanta: El-Apeno at El Taco

San Diego: El Vitral's El Tre-Some

Seeing as how Chrissy always spices things up, she would be foolish to resist the allure of this green habanero salsa-infused number. Let's see if she's the one drinking it...

Philly: Xochitl

I ordered Xochitl's best, jalapeño-prepared / and said "The spiciness is awesome, I'll drink it, I ain't scared!"

Chicago: Smoked Margarita @ Potter's Lounge

SF: Mamacita's

"The Mamacita" with Herradura Silver, agave nectar, and fresh lime will definitely go over well with the mamacitas. Mario's Take: "Do you ladies want to help save the Mushroom Kingdom?"

Austin: Miss Vivo's

...but don't let the flowers in her hair fool you -- she's a bit prickly-pear, and has an ice queen attitude, because she's frozen, and limits herself to two per customer.

NY: Rosa Mexicano

Time to ramp things up with their full line, which includes a pina colada/marg hybrid for that beachy feeling. FYI, those tacos in the back aren't out of focus -- you are.