The ideal girlfriend can accommodate your many man-moods, from sports-crazed enthusiasm, to besotted ravenousness, to I-want-to-blow-cash-on-bottles-ness, which is why you're currently dating three different bars. Settle down with one: Burger & Beer Joint.
From some of the guys who brought you the early days of Automatic Slims, as well as the slightly legendary WalkOfShameKit, B&B flexes its muscles with three distinct spaces for three distinct yous: hedonistic burger house, homey sports bar, and shadowy lounge that's date-friendly, even if yours isn't. The main area serves elevated burgers and feels industrial-nostalgic, with 120-yr old salvaged brick and a diamond-plate bar with 99 types o' bottled beer (Chimay, Abita Purple Haze, Unibrew Ephemere); slip through the back door and you're in the darkened B&B Sports Bar, with free pool, an old-school U-shaped bar, 10 flatscreens, and chalkboard walls w/ daily scores, while upstairs is a velveteen Moulin Rouge-inspired lounge with a grip of cushy French sofas, the lovely notion of no required bottle service (although it's as cheap as $150), and three dancer poles, who take forever to screw in a red lightbulb. The menu, available in all three spaces (depending on time of day) and fashioned by Nobu's exec chef, is DYO: choose your meat (free-range Angus, American Kobe-Wagyu, ground turkey), your size (1/2, 3/4, or full pound), then add-ons like cheese (Maytag blue, goat, brie, fresh mozz), sauces (walnut pesto, atomic horseradish, guac, etc.), and other stuff like grilled jalapeños, and pineapple, or just go with a house specialty like the Kobe beef/black truffle demi/seared foie gras "Stairway To Heaven", which'll make the forests echo with laughter, because it's on your shirt.
B&B gets nuts with their 10lb Mother Burger, which they cut at the table with a saw (seriously), and also rocks an ice cream parlor/soda fountain frothing adult shakes with dirty names like The Fluffer (espresso chip ice cream, whipped cream, Kahlua), and one with Rocky Road, banana, and creme de banana called Spank The Monkey -- a skill you'll need once the Dugout catches you all up in O'Halloran's.