Nation

Getting crapped on at the velvet rope is infuriating enough to make you consider getting a sex change, or worse, greasing the bouncer with your sweet sex change fund. Don't you dare do either: use EzVip instead.

Created by two Miami dudes (one a nightlife insider, the other one pissed off he wasn't), EzVip lets you pre-purchase admission and more from their potent roster of local clubs, thus letting you skip merrily past bouncers, and become the very person you hated, before you were him, and realized he was awesome. To choose your club, search by date or venue (you can view flyers and party pics to get a sense of places like Bed, Heathrow, Louis, Mokai, Set, Mansion, etc), then click to buy admission, drinks, or a bottle, which'll also give you free admission for four peeps, sight unseen -- meaning your friends with leprosy will get a taste of the sweet life before their lips fall off into the ice bucket. If you're going that route, first choose your hooch, then use Ez's map of each club to pick your table; email confirmation is sent both to you and the club, so all you've gotta do is show the muscle the credit card you used, photo ID, and printed confirm, and you're in, only to realize you completely spaced on booking chicks to brag to about how sweet you are at selling insurance.

Ez's Special Offer section w/ deals at different venues is updated weekly, and there's also a Nightlife News section to keep you up on local nocturnal happenings, featuring scoops like Vince the ShamWow! guy getting booked for allegedly scrapping with a Miami hooker -- leaving him so hideous, the only way he'll be able to get past the rope is with his new life- and gender-changing product, the SexSham.