W Retreat & Spa Vieques

Finding new uses for old military stuff can be cool, from the Intrepid aircraft carrier, now an NYC museum, to Union General Joseph Hooker's name being employed as a slang term for a prostitute...ah, those hot, dirty Josephs. For a luxe retreat on a tropical isle that was once a bombing range, check out W Retreat & Spa Vieques

W's newest property sits on the north shore of Vieques, a sparsely populated island eight miles off the east coast of Puerto Rico that used to be a US Naval bombing range, and now boasts a villa-ish resort with 157 rooms overlooking the Atlantic and 30 acres of shoreline surrounded by rolling hills, a saw-toothed coast dotted with small beaches, and a National Wildlife Refuge filled with mangroves, lagoons, and wildlife, so that the animals used to bombs won't be disturbed by your fanny pack. For extensive chilling, the Dub's got the bohemian-ish Living Room Lounge, featuring lots of wood, an ocean view, vintage PR rums, and high-end cocktails; the adjacent Fire Pit with lounge couches, palm trees, and a massive...fire pit!; and Paradise Edge's grass-covered plateau that runs up to a gazebo on a cliff, and thankfully not a guitarist in a skullcap who's pleasure incarnate. Grub's whipped up by tri-Michelin-starred Alain Ducasse at Mix On The Beach, which pairs French-Mediterranean flavors with the Caribbean bounty of seafood and tropical produce in apps like spicy crab salad with taboule, mango, and bell peppers, and entrees like locally-inspired Pork En Cocotte (w/ creamy grits & corn bread), and roasted Maine lobster with coconut basmati rice, local pineapple, and an "Au Curry" sauce that's hopefully more Stephen, and less Eddy

If you somehow tire of doing nothing, there's off property activities like diving, snorkeling, sailing, fishing, beach horseback riding, surfing, mangrove tours, and a bay were you can go night kayaking through bioluminescent marine organisms, plus there's more food and drink from the W Cafe with Ducasse-approved nicoise salads, paninis, and smoothies, which is exactly what people will think you are, until they realize your date's just another trick-ass Joseph.