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Fossil Farms Organic Meats

In a time when rampant veganism lulls animals into a sense of complacency, real men must reassert their dominance over the food chain. Get a zoo delivered to your door, by Fossil Farms.

Dealing strictly in organic exotic meat, Jersey-based Fossil uses a network of farmers to snare a range of products so expansive, it looks like Michael Douglas's Ghost and the Darkness character stowed away on Noah's Ark. Because even a novice can taste the difference between game kangaroo and the ones that've enjoyed big-top boxing fame, all the meat's farm-raised and completely hormone- and preservative-free; just thaw and cook or toss it in the freezer. Some of the more non-grocer's-freezer offerings: python fillets, antelope legs, rabbit sausage w/ white wine and dijon, a 5lb pail of boneless turtle ("Great for turtle soup!"), and emu eggs -- they're 10x the size of a chicken's, and when consumed raw, will make you look like Lou Ferrigno.

Many meats come with general cooking instructions, and Fossil also offers two BBQ sampler packs, which include the likes of ostrich fajita strips and buffalo hot dogs -- because it's important to show mayonnaise and sweet relish that they too must bow before their ecological master.

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