Nation

After this weekend's festivities, you likely look, smell, and taste like a crumpled Guinness can half-full of cigarette butts. Cure all that with a Hangover Helper Set.

Drawing on vast toiletry expertise, the Grooming Lounge has assembled their HHS to provide exactly what the suffering partier requires (short of defibrillation). Each kit contains:

• Nickel Morning After Rescue Gel: a new caffeine- and menthol-infused face treatment -- like an espresso+tooth-brushing without the needless effort of opening your mouth
• Menaji 911 Eye Gel: reduces the darkened puffiness of "I drank until 6AM" eyes to professionalism-exuding "I drank until 4AM" eyes

• Supersmile Mouthrinse: according to their on-site testimonials, Kelly Ripa, Jimmy Fallon, and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog all use it to eradicate their dog-ass breath

• Molton Brown Re-Charge Black Pepper Body Wash: a spicy, circulation-boosting cleanser beloved by the binge-drinker and discriminating cannibal alike

Bought individually, the HHS would cost more than a Benjamin, so opt for the package (also comes with bonus aspirin) -- it's a deal on par with the buy-three-get-one-free green Zimas that got you here in the first place.